Tuesday, May 27, 2014

“我懂你”

Faking a smile is so much easier for me recently.
I didn't realise until the day when my mum's friend told her that, "你的女儿笑到很甜"
This knocks me back a bit, because I was in bad mood and feeling downcast by that time, yet I can still smile so sweetly.

Btw, who can see what is behind the smile? :')

2008年我初一的时候曾经有人告诉过我
看见我像是看见世界末日一样
我的五官总是皱成一团 眉头紧锁到就快连成一线
能有到现在这样“即使心情那么的糟糕还能笑得如此灿烂”的进步 算是不错了吧?

不是现在的生活无忧无虑了
也不是面对的问题减少了
只是开始学习微笑了才发现
原来我也可以把快乐带给很多人
既然如此 我又何苦把那副“世界末日的样子”挂在脸上?

每个人都在经历一些你看不见的苦痛
每个人都有一些说不出口的伤悲
我只想让我的笑容让他们暂时忘记原有的苦 即使只是短暂的一秒


最近我的心承受的实在太多
在道德与理智的层面上交战实在太累太累
我不知道什么是对 什么是错
也许世事根本就没有绝对?

多乐观的人还是会有悲伤的时候
只是谁能看见我眼底的苍凉?

我的微笑什么时候是真的 什么时候是装的有谁会分辨?

很多人都说我懂他们 理解他们 知道他们在想什么
可是谁能像我懂他们那样的懂我?
谁 懂 我?
谁?

太过细心不是一件好事
过于善解人意也不是一件好事
善良爆棚的时候 真的不是一件好事
如果我的性格不是这样
我是不是会好过一点?

最动听的三个字不是 “我爱你”
也许“你瘦了”会比较顺耳但也还不是最动听
最动听的三个字莫过于 “ 我 懂 你

懂 是世间最温情的语言
简短的语言 却包含了万千

懂 是一种心灵上的呵护 生命中的一种温度
因为懂得 所以包容
因为懂得 所以心同

我只想遇见一个懂我的人
拍拍我的肩 看着我的眼 告诉我:
“其实 我懂你”

在遇见这样的一个人之前
我还是必须大大力的微笑
用力掩饰大笑背后的苍凉
不是虚伪
我只是认为
既然苦着脸事情也不会解决
倒不如让这个世界多一些笑声

要遇见一个 “ 真 正 ” 懂我的人
究竟要用尽我多少次的幸运?

要有多强大的心 才能训练出一个无懈可击的笑容?

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Why do you allow yourself to be labelled by the society?

13 May 2014, Tuesday, 10am - 10pm [EXHAUSTED!]

Sharon, Jia Jing [Samantha Wong], Dylan and yihan come to Saffron and we swim tgt!
Shalin ffk at last minute TT

I don't want to swim at the first place as I have ZERO confidence of my body :(
(And this is one of the reasons why I go to gym and work so hard to earn a nice body. I just want to boost up my self-confidence!)

The society has labelled a SEXY lady (so-called sexy) to be 白富美(fair, rich and pretty)
Plus, big boobs, nice bum, snake waist and so on...
I don't have any of the above, and so I decided not to swim.
It's sad isn't it?
It's a shame isn't it?
Why do I allow all these things to determine my self worth?
Sadly, I'm indeed a slave to the preconceived ideas of what society perceived a woman should be.

We planned this one week before, and I had used the whole subsequent week to think if to swim or not..
To swim or not to swim, that is a question.

At last, I decided that, "Yes! I swim! But girls and boys MUST SWIM AT DIFFERENT SWIMMING POOL!"
When girls entered into the swimming pool, within 5 minutes, boys came ==
The first thing I want to do is just hide myself under the swimming pool until no one is there.
I don't know what's wrong with me?
They're my friends and I supposed they won't leave me just because I have no boobs no butts and no snake waist.
They came here for swimming! NOT LOOKING AT SEXY LADY!
Ain't nobody got time for that!
I'm just like 豁出去吧!有什么大不了?
Whatever. I just swim.

My mind calm down a lot when I was swimming.
In fact, I'm the only one who think to much.
Why do I let the society to label me?
Nobody really cares about how you look.
And the one who really cares about you will not judge you merely by your appearance, isn't it?

In spite of that, it still takes a lot of courages for me to get out from the water and expose the whole body in front of them.
I did it eventually! I JUST DID IT!
I'm just so proud of myself for accepting whoever I am.

We took selfies, We laughed, We had lunch and dinner together (Samantha didn't follow us for any one of the meals TT)
We had Bak Kut The (Jalan Ipoh 兴记) as our lunch, and De Pastry (Setapak) as our dinner.
My calories surely surplus and it totally not fits my macros! Lol..
But cheat once a while is ok, so long as I had a indeed great time with them! It's all worth it!

I never regretted that I swim.
I read a post on Instagram before and I would like to share with you now.
She is a woman and this is part of the articles that she wrote:
"My self worth is no longer measured by what others perceive of me. My spirit, my body and my mind are MY domain. I choose to listen to my inner voice and not the useless opinions of naysayers. I choose to be free. I choose to be me." -- Melissasarahwee
She inspires me a lot! Please do follow her on insta!

All I can tell from now is:
I love my body so much, for whatever it is. :)

Now, let the photos speak!

We're happy kid!

My hand is not enough long! Haha!

I don't know why there is so much space between us! LOL!

We're beautiful! :)

There are a lot of technics to take selfies.
One of them is:
OPEN YOUR MOUTH!
Coz it will make your face look slimmer! HAHAHA!

I hope y'all enjoy! :)

Thursday, May 8, 2014

至少今天 让我依赖

今天早上突然就很想让爸爸在我上学
晚上的时候也很想让爸爸带我出去吃晚餐
虽然已经晚上8点多了 吃完过后他还要驾车回劳勿
可是
请让我任性一次吧!

从一出生满月开始 我就被babysitter日夜照顾 到9岁才搬回家里住
13岁的时候就搬到中华宿舍住了5年 几乎一个月才回家一次
18岁的时候 我就开始一个人住 一直到现在

我和家人在一起的时间简直少之又少

今晚 有很多的情绪突然涌上心头
才发现 原来我真的很需要家人的陪伴
我想要爸爸载我上学
我想要妈妈煮饭给我吃
我想要回到家有人可以听我诉说在学校发生的事
我想要回到家就有暖洋洋的灯光在等待
在我伤心的时候有人会紧紧的拥抱着我告诉我一切都会过去的
在我失落的时候有人会摸摸我的头告诉我在他们的心中我是最棒的

刚刚在gym的时候突然想到这些 眼泪就不自觉地落下
一边举着哑铃 一边流着泪水
于是马上拿起电话 问爸爸可不可以带我出去吃晚餐
幸好当时他还没回去劳勿...


请让我依赖着你们吧
在我还有的依赖的时候
请让我留在你们的身边吧
在我还能留在你们身边的时候

有时真想当个任性的小孩
被你们宠溺地爱